“There is no sex in the Champagne Room” — awful words first uttered by Baz Luhrmann in his now infamous paean to regret, guilt and voluntary senescence — “Everybody’s Free (To Wear Sunscreen)” Thanks, but no thanks, Baz. I shall not go gently into that good night, nor fear irrationally for my flesh while I am alive. But I digress! There is a bit of news coming in across the Smut Wire… Yes, I have it now. It seems there is no sex in massage parlors, either. Well, fuck.

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